Muqaddimah

Dengan Nama Allah, Yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang. Alhamdulillah, Pemurahnya DIA dengan izinNya mempunyai kesempatan untuk menulis pada masanya. Namun, komitmen sebagai pelajar Year 10 mungkin menyebabkan keperluan meluangkan masa untuk pelajaran lebih utama buat seketika. Afwan andai jarang menulis. Moga bermanfaat apa yang ada :)

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Terus Mengejar

Ku harap duhai Tuhan
Setiap titik peluh dan perngorbanan ini
Memperoleh redha-Mu
Bimbinglah aku
Kuatkan daku
Semoga susah hari ini, adalah kesenangan di lain hari

Biar segala cerita
A-Z semuanya
Rahsia

Terutama kini, aku menerima

Yang memahami itu tak mungkin lagi ada..

Hanya Engkau Yang Memahami

Ku terus mengejar cita-citaku, segala fokusmu keranaMu, lillahi ta'ala.

Mencari damai yang hilang

Iffah Nabiha

3.19 am, Kepala Batas, Pulau Pinang.

Friday, 21 October 2016

Write Down Your Worries!

Daniel Wong's tips and articles are my favourite.

I returned home after 5 months being away from home, without coming back for even a holiday. I thought I would pay his article on a top student's principles a visit, and ended up browsing through his popular posts.

I came across this quote:

"In one experiment,[11] researchers at the University of Chicago discovered that students who wrote about their feelings about an upcoming exam for 10 minutes performed better than students who didn’t. The researchers say that this technique is especially effective for habitual worriers." (Daniel Wong, 2016)


It was under the subtitle "Write down your worries" in one article, I think something about study smart vs. study hard.

I was suddenly reminded of my anxiety before my Legal Research paper, I poured out my feelings in this blog. Hours after my exam, I regretted it. The previous purpose of this blog was to da'wah, and I ended up spilling out my personal anxiety and insecurities.

However, I felt comforted after reading Daniel's article. I remember feeling fine just before Legal Research exam, and how anxious I was before Tasawwur exam, where I did not write down my worries back then.

Then...
So be it.

I think, in dakwah we don't have to pretend when you accept the call to do good deeds, you will always be happy. That it will always be that "kemanisan iman" era.

You will still have problems. You will still have anxiety, insecurities, worries, calamities, and so on.

So let's keep it real.

The process of falling, the real process and progress of slowly, struggling to pick up the shattered pieces, gathering your courage, and painfully getting up. Back on your feet. Man up, build yourself again. All of that. We have to confront all these.

Keep it real and truthful. Don't hide behind "ketenangan" anymore. It is different when you need 10 minutes of dhikr then you feel energetic and when you need to cry in your tahajud every night begging for His mercy, strength and courage because you're so broken. The degree of brokenness is different. Don't cover that up.

From now on if people ask me if I'm okay, and I'm not, I will say no.
If I'm tired, I will say so.
When I'm worried, as I do now... on whether I had answered 'the rule of recognition' right, I will write it down. Be it on a piece of paper or on here.

No more pretending, that all will be well, just because of a single moment of submission. We are humans, our faith has its ups and downs. Let's keep that in mind. We trash our friends that voice their anxiety or hide away in sadness saying if you really are orang beriman and you perform your ibadah you wouldn't be like this.

But different people have different limits. They have different background, different tests, and we are in no position to judge that.

For the last time, let's keep it real.

Mencari damai yang hilang

Iffah Nabiha

12.37 am, bonding with little brother in the living room








Saturday, 8 October 2016

Anxiety

Zikr, zikr, zikr.

And still, tears keep streaming.

While out there, I help to heal others from their anxiety, mentally or spiritually disturbed persons, I always, and always, put aside my own.

Legal Research in a few hours.
And I dont know how to express my anxiousness, but I really am, not okay.

Sujud.
Allah.

Shaking.
Heavy head.

Keeping it all contained, here - my blog, where no one in this place - dengkil, knows. At least im free to be me.

Mencari damai yang hilang
Iffah Nabiha
8.55 pagi, meja belajar

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Which part of your heart is broken?

You can keep running away
Exhausting yourself out

But it's always that.
The possibility of healing

Where you left the wound
Where  you moved on
You tried to forget

But you only found emptiness
Because you left a piece of you
Right there
Together with so much of your courage

The courage you used to have, facing everything

Now you really are on your own
You pushed away everyone, everyone who wants to get to know you
People betray you, and keep betraying

Your own race, you see their true colours now?
You realise, all those years abroad, you tried to defend your identity, what was that identity?
As you know now, it wasn't your country, it wasn't your race, it wasn't your fellow muslim comrades either.

So who did you have with you?

If you really do know what you are fighting for, you could easily answer "Allah."
But you can't.

You know why?
Because you are not doing it for Him.
Which part of your heart is more broken than the broken promises to devote your life for His deen?
Which part?

Which part?

Keep exhausting yourself out. That lack of sleep, that cold part of you, keep them. See how far you can get living like that.

Angkuh. Sombong. Padahal kau jalan di bumi Tuhan.

Which part of your heart is more broken than the broken promises to Your Lord?

Which part?

Mencari dan terus mencari damai yang hilang

Iffah Nabiha

UiTM Dengkil

5.06 am, 6 Oktober 2016