Adapting to post-mooting life.
The trainings were so horrible and stressful to me that now I feel lifeless without something torturing me. Heh.
IIUM did really well in pre-vis alhamdulillah. the senior team came FOURTH IN INTERNATIONAL ROUNDS of pre moot, beating all the other American Australian semua tu punya teams whereas the junior team won the written argument for claimant.
I did say over and over again I will never join mooting again. But after I had my first hearing :D I realise this is something I could really do and actually get better at. Like wuuu arbitration is really fun I actually feel like forgetting all about litigation.
So I'm thinking whether I should join lawasia next but I also really want to focus on dakwah pulak now. Perkim, ikram, usrah with Ustazah fatimah syarha and so on.
And definitely get back to studies. I can feel myself screwing up this semester. Really. I lose focus in class because I'm just so tired from training and even post mooting I'm still tired and prone to getting severe headache and stomach ache.
For some reason this semester I'm also so emotionally unstable I cannot even understand what's going on with me. I'm still trying to find the cause but I keep getting confused. I cry before every presentation as though I have never presented before. I get weird disruptions in my head when I'm standing in front of people that these people all hate me and I try to dismiss them all in my head and lose focus again in the midst of presentations. It's so uncomfortable and inevitably I'm always crying when I'm alone when I find the chance and time to do so.
I don't understand what I had written in contract test last week and I've been studying for a few hours tadi for tomorrow's Islamic family law test. I don't like IFL but I'm trying my best.
I lose appetite to eat padahal before this I asyik makan banyak sampai my teammates pelik how come I ate so much all the time. I don't even know why and again it disrupts my learning because I have no energy to digest all the difficult concepts.
I feel sad but I'm fighting and I'm not losing. I don't know what's happening frankly but I'm not giving up I will continue to do what I love doing and what I should be doing.
For now, I need to focus on trying to sleep.